I don't belong here

I was listening to Switchfoot while I was on a run the other day and I realized how much I related to the lyrics to the song "Beautiful Letdown." This song describes my conversion to becoming a Christ follower. I am thankful I was letdown as well.

Beautiful Letdown by Switchfoot

It was a beautiful let down
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful let down
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in,
Until I found out
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong
But I don't belong

It was a beautiful let down
When you found me here
Yeah for once in a rare blue moon I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful let down
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free
We're still chasing our tails and the rising sun
And our dark water planet's
Still spinning in a race
Where no one wins and no one's one

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong
But i don't belong
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Kingdom come
Your kingdom come

Won't you let me down yeah
Let my foolish pride
Forever let me down

Easy living, not much like your name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Won't you please take me off your list
Easy living please come on and let me down

We are a beautiful let down,
Painfully uncool,
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures and the fools
Oh what a beautiful let down
Are we salt in the wound
Let us sing one true tune

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Feels like I don't belong here
Let me down
Let me down
Feels like I'm let down
Let me down.
Cuz I don't belong here
Please
Won't you let me down?


If you have never heard this song you can listen on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wlePWP7QvM

What are you going to do with your luggage?

‘Maybe the reason life is so hard is because we think life should be easy.” Scott Peck

I was thinking recently about a trip my family I took to Hawaii when I was a kid. We were leaving on the last day of school. I was graduating from the third grade. As I was making my way home from school I ended up doing battle with a very large bumblebee. The bee made a couple of fly bys and then moved in for the kill. I remember tilting my head to the left trying to avoid the bee from going into my ear when I felt excruciating pain in my left ear lobe. Yes it happened, a bumblebee stung me on my ear lobe. I ran the rest of the way home screaming in agony as my worst nightmare had come true. My ear lobe swelled to the size of a golf ball. It hurt and I was traumatized as we were supposed to be going on vacation.

What is funny is that the biggest memory I have from that trip was not Hawaii or the bee sting but the family luggage set my parents had purchased for the trip. It was the Samsonite family collection. They were classic mid 1970’s. They were hard shell cases equipped with small carry on hard shell cases as well. They were amazing! The best part was the color. I can only describe the color as a hot pinkish, Pepto-Bismol, sort of wanna be red color. Can you imagine lugging those babies to the airport these days? It was the sort of luggage collection that people trying to get rid of at garage sales today after they clean out their attic.

The reality is we all have “baggage” in our lives that we carry around and want to get rid of. Some people’s baggage is obvious. It is as noticeable as the Pepto-Bismol colored Samsonite collection! They cannot help it. Their baggage follows them wherever they go. Somebody hurt them or some set of unfortunate circumstances set off a chain of “baggage” events that never seems to come to an end.

Yesterday, I was with a few friends at a Starbucks downtown. We ordered our drinks and I also ordered a muffin. There was a homeless man sitting in the Starbucks by himself trying to stay warm. He had a few backpacks and a few possessions with him, but that was it. My heart hurt for him. That is somebody’s son I thought to myself. There sat a lonely man who as a kid probably played little league. As a high school student he probably had dreams of what he wanted to do with his life when he got older. How did he get to be “the guy with the backpacks” who sits in Starbucks, but has no money to buy a coffee? How did he get to be the guy with the baggage that no one cared about? I gave him my muffin and he very politely said “thank you, that is kind of you.”

Recently, a good friend of mine made a comment about another friend of mine after the two of them met. He made the observation that my friend like all of us obviously had “life baggage” but did not seem to have “spiritual baggage.” I had never really thought of it that way that there was a difference between “life baggage” and “spiritual baggage.” Life baggage is the effect that difficult people and circumstances have on us. It is being disappointed with life and it handicaps us emotionally and relationally. However, spiritual baggage is different. Spiritual baggage is a feeling of disappointment with God. The notion that somehow He let you down, or the church let you down.

The healthy thing about life baggage is that it can and should point us to our need for Christ. The more I carry it around the more I realize I need to give it to Jesus. The more it shows up the more I depend upon him to help. The scary thing about spiritual baggage is that it causes people to refuse to turn to their only source of help.

Spiritual baggage seems to come from a false understanding of God. Spiritual baggage questions God and wonders if He loved us, we would never suffer. Spiritual baggage comes from thinking that God has promised something he didn’t. Jesus promised:

“…Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33 NLT

He also promised:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 NIV

My hope is that each one of us could give our Samsonite collection to Christ and never let life baggage decay into spiritual baggage.

Don’t be afraid to let them see you limp

Like most Denver Bronco fans I was shocked at the firing of Mike Shanahan as head coach of the team. He had been the head coach for 14 years. That is a long time! As a fan I almost feel like I know him because of the number of games and interviews I have seen over those years. That made it hard to hear that he was no longer going to be around.
I was able to watch most of his press conference the day after his dismissal as head coach. I was moved by the humility and transparency that Coach Shanahan displayed as he fielded difficult questions regarding his firing.
Shanahan always presented himself as a confident man and a sharp leader, but there was something different at this press conference. The Broncos are a very proud organization, but they have not had much success in the past several years. Coach Shanahan did not make excuses, he took responsibility for the team’s lack of success.
What stood out to me was how Shanahan kept referring to the owner of the Broncos, Pat Bowlen, as a great leader: “the best owner in football” he said several times. Shanahan and Bowlen have a unique employee employer relationship. They are best friends. How difficult would it be to be fired by your best friend? How difficult would it be to fire your best friend? However, Shanahan said several times: “Leaders have to make tough calls and decisions. They have to make choices that are best for the organization. And that is what Pat had to do in this situation.”
Shanahan took a lot of heat for not being able to win without the Hall of Fame quarterback John Elway. Most people consider Shanahan a failure because he could not win the big one with out his prized quarterback. Mike Shanahan will be a head coach in the NFL again, and who knows the success that might be ahead of him, but he will always have to walk with the limp of being fired. He will walk with the limp of failure. Can you imagine the pressure that being in the spot light has caused Coach Shanahan? It is easy to let failure become our identity and to let success become our identity. How much for those in the spot light?
Have you ever been fired from a job? In my teens and early twenties I bounced from odd job to odd job. I remember being fired from a job once; it was humiliating even though the job was not that big of a deal. It affected my self-worth negatively. It wasn’t until I became a Christian that I was released from a “failure mentality”. The problem is we tend to find our identity in our success or our failures. The reality is if you follow Jesus you should never find your identity in anything or anyone other than Christ:

"He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" (2 Corinthians 5:15-17 NLT)

I have a limp. It is not a visible limp. It is inside of me. It is an emotional limp. Sometimes you have to look real close to see my limp, but I promise you its there. The limp is caused by scar tissue on my heart. There are scars on my heart that will always be there. These scars are self-inflicted by the many mistakes I have made. They are reminders of the many failures I have endured. Like everyone else life has dealt me some difficult blows. My life is filled with “coulda’s, shoulda’s, and woulda’s’. “I could have done this. I should have done that. If I had only known then it would have been different.”
My scars are not all self-inflicted. Like everyone else I have been on the receiving end of rejection and betrayal. In many ways those scars cause the biggest part of my limp. However, the blessing of walking with a limp is it is also a reminder of God’s grace. It reminds me that only he can take something meant for evil and turn it for good. Only he can take failures and work them for our good and his glory.
A couple of people close to my life have noticed my limp and I have to admit I am a little embarrassed by it. Who wants to be singled out as handicapped? These two men do not know each other but said the same thing to me. They said “the limp says we can trust you.” Hearing that statement was like a drink of cold water for my thirsty soul. It was like that good pain you feel when you massage a bruise.
I pray that my limp causes me to walk in empathy towards others. I pray that my limp will be used to help others through their pain.
I do not know if coach Shanahan will be a better coach because of his firing (his limp). But I do know because of it he has an opportunity to become a better man for it. On his next job he will be a better leader for it.
Lets limp together!