I feel the tension inside my soul (Romans 7:15-23). The tension between the self-centered rebellious man and the self-righteous religious Pharisee (Luke 18:9-14). The rebellious man wants to be in charge and makes excuses for doing whatever is in my best interest (Luke 15:11-24). The religious Pharisee in me believes that my standing with God is based on my behavior and wants others to think well of me (Luke 15: 25-30). In fact, the religious man in me is way to dependent on the approval of others and can be paralyzed be the disapproval of others (Galatians 1:10).
I know I am not alone (Romans 3:10, 23).
There is a little Pharisee in all of us. There is a bit of legalistic self righteousness in us that thinks we are right with God by following rules and do's and dont's. There is a judgmental person that looks down on others when they have problems or fail. It makes us feel better about ourselves if we have someone "worse" than ourselves, but we feel bad about ourselves when deem someone to be "holier" than us. When we think like this our spiritual confidence before God is based on earning, based on a merit system.
In all of us there is also the pull and power of self. Selfishness can so easily be the chief motivator of our actions and behavior.
The problem with all of us is we tend to look inside ourselves for salvation from both extremes. We look within and find despair. How do we get out of this tug of war (Romans 7:24-25)?
We need to stop looking within for hope and salvation and look to Christ. The more introspective we are the more prone to despair we are.
In the words of the great Reformer Martin Luther:
"...when the devil throws your sins in your face and declares that you deserve death and hell, tell him this: "I admit that I deserve death and hell, what of it? For I know One who suffered and made satisfaction on my behalf. His name is Jesus Christ, Son of God, and where He is there I shall be also!...This life therefore is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness, not health, but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it, the process is not yet finished, but it is going on, this is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified."
The answer to the tug of war is not to pull harder with one side or the other, but to let go of the rope all together. The lyrics to the old hymn say it best:
Before the throne of God above I have a strong, a perfect plea: A great High Priest, whose name is Love, Who ever lives and pleads for me. My name is graven on his hands, My name is written on his heart; I know that while in heaven he stands No tongue can bid me thence depart No tongue can bid me thence depart. When Satan tempts me to despair, And tells me of the guilt within, Upward I look, and see him there Who made an end of all my sin. Because a sinless Savior died, My sinful soul is counted free; For God, the Just, is satisfied To look on Him and pardon me To look on Him and pardon me Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One, Risen Son of God! Behold him there, the risen Lamb My perfect, spotless righteousness, The great unchangeable I AM, The King of glory and of grace! One in himself, I cannot die My soul is purchased by his blood My life is hid with Christ on high, With Christ, my Savior and my God With Christ, my Savior and my God
